15 - What a Relationship Needs

I’m Nadia C. Patterson with Art of Sia and this podcast is dedicated to bettering relationships as we work on recognizing your individual contributions to your current situation.  Today I want to to give you 5 key characteristics that healthy relationships have. As you begin to work on being happily married, start to focus in on these behaviors of successful couples so you can change your perception in order to change your situation.  

You can find me on both Facebook and Instagram @Art.Of.Sia. If you are interested in one-one coaching, please visit my website www.ArtOfSia.com.

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 1:54 #1 - Communication
• 4:33 #2 - Commit to the Marriage
• 6:48 #3 - Respect
• 9:02 Wine Break
• 10:50 #4 - Shared Financial Goals
• 13:19 #5 - Stay Connected
• 16:10 In Case You Missed It

Transcript

 Intro

Hello and welcome, this is Nadia with Art of Sia. Today is Wednesday October the 26th and this is Wine’n Wednesdays. Thank you so  much for tuning in today and we are going to get into um a small little series that I’m thinking about giving you guys. So today we are going to start the series off with my own personal 5 key components of successful marriages and long term relationships. And then over the next couple of weeks I wanna talk about um, the 5 “C’s” and the 5 “A’s” of relationships. I’m going to also talk about some of the 5 top toxic behaviors that couples go into so that maybe you can tune into those to see if maybe you and your um, loved one are exhibiting some of those toxic behaviors. And then lastly we’ll round out the series by discussing 5 key strategies to get out of some of those toxic behaviors. Ok? So today I want you to remember that Art of Sia focuses in on 3 key ideas: Seed planting, recognizing illusions and acts of kindness. Begin to tune into those so that you can change your perception in order to change your situation. Let’s get started.

#1 - Communication 1:54

The first key idea that I need for you all to truly truly understand is communication is key. It is number 1 and it is foremost. I actually discussed this back in The Secret. Which was on September the 14th, as I talked about the secret to being happily married and how longevity in relationships is obtained. I strongly believe that communication is the key. Without it, you are setting yourself up for failure. Now, communication of course can look different to everybody and the main thing that I want for you to understand is that you’ve got to be letting your partner know what it is that is important to you. You have to also make sure that they understand when they do something that fundamentally does not agree with your values, you need to make sure that they are aware of what it is that they’re doing so that they might make an attempt to correct their behavior. So you know, nobody is a mind reader, you’ve got to be strong enough and secure enough in your own skin to make sure that you’re able to communicate these needs. You must advocate for yourself. No-one is going to do it for you. Ok. Once you start to communicate these things, and I don’t want you to get caught up with making sure of every little thing that someone does that you don’t like that you must voice your dislike. That’s borderline rude, no, it’s not rude. It’s being a nag. That’s the word. That’s not what you want to do. You don’t want to be a pushover and just let everything that you don’t like be uncommunicated, but you don’t need to go in on every single little detail that he might be doing that you just don’t agree with. All that’s going to do is start creating some resentment because he doesn’t want to be told constantly what it is that he’s doing wrong. Ok. Alright. 

#2 - Commit to the Marriage 4:33

The other thing that is key, key, key to having a successful marriage is commitment to the relationship. Commitment to your marriage. If you don’t have the mindset that you are in it for the long haul anything can come in and disrupt that because you have no desire to really stick it out in the tough times. Just because you have a healthy relationship does not mean that you are exempt for conflict. You’re not exempt from turmoil. He is not going to treat you like a queen everyday and never hurt you. That’s not what healthy relationships look like. That is an illusion that they might show you on TV. That’s not real life. But as you work on having a healthy marriage when those conflicts come in, you are prepared to fight them off. Because you’ve been communicating and you have the commitment to want to stay together. Divorce isn't an option. Separation doesn’t even cross your mind. What does cross your mind is how can I communicate better so that we don’t get caught up in the situation or the conflict that we are currently in. That is your mindset and accountability that I want you to begin to be aware of, is that you need to reflect within yourself on what it is that you're contributing to this specific conflict and try to figure out how you can get out of it. And you're gonna get out of it by making sure you are communicating. You’re going to communicate with yourself too; I should have said that earlier and being honest with yourself so that you can be honest with your needs to your partner. 

#3 - Respect 6:48

Respect you have to have respect for your spouse as well as yourself. If you don’t respect yourself you will allow any and everything to happen to you and that is not what having a healthy relationships are about. They're not about letting one person dominate the situation and take control of the path that the marriage is going in and you're sitting over here and you don’t even agree with that path. You have to respect yourself so that you are able to open up the door to respect him. When you’re respecting him a lot of these one-on-one situations or these arguments that you’re having that are kinda of petty, right. We talked about earlier about being a nag. But if you really truly respect him you’re not going to want to go in on him and to belittle him because that’s not going to get you good results. Respect is given and it is taken, right. It’s a back and forth dance. You give you respect, you get respect. It goes back and forth. So remember you can’t go in on somebody and be rude and nasty and confrontational if you expect for them to be nice to you when they have an issue with one of the things that it is that you are doing in your relationship. Let’s go back and recap these first 3 things that are important to having a healthy marriage. Number 1 and for me, it is at the top. Not more important than the other’s but it is very very crucial that you have good communication. You must have a solid commitment to the relationship and you must respect each other.  Ok. Alright.

Wine Break: 9:02

Starbough Starlite Sauvignon Blanc

#4 - Shared Financial Goals: 10:50

Alright, so let’s go ahead and get back into it. Right before the break we discussed 3 key characteristic of successful marriages. Communication, a commitment to the relationship and respect. So now I wanna get into shared financial goals. If you are on the same path financially you’re going to be able to weather that storm when it approaches you. It's expensive out here. Money makes the world go round. I don’t care if you do not agree with that, it is true. You’ve gotta be on the same wavelength when it comes to your finances. One of you cannot be an over spender and an underachiever and then the other one out here has all these great goals and aspirations and is trying to move up the corporate ladder or to start an entrepreneurial business of their own and you’re over here not respecting money. You’ve got to be aligned together so that as time progresses and your finances grow there growing in the positive and you are both being able to come in and to contribute. That is one of the first ways that you can get some um disease into your relationship. You can get some resentment to grow that if one is making all the money and the other is spending all the money. It doesn’t align right because it is hard to make money and the way these bill keep inflating; it is hard to keep money once you’ve made it because just when you get that raise, inflation goes above and beyond whatever little percentage in raise that you got so you have to make sure that you guys are aligned in that. You also need to be aligned with the type of investments that you’re gonna try to make. Are you more secure or are you more of a risk taker? Are you into stocks and bonds and crypto or are you more into real estate and you know, having some type of true asset in order to invest in. You should be aligned and of course there's gonna be some room for negotiations when it comes to that because an investment is an investment, but you guys should at least be be able to talk and to communicate about what that looks like for your family.

#5 - Stay Connected 13:19

The fifth and final characteristic according to me:  You guys have heard it a hundred and one times but ; It is You must maintain a connection. You must go on dates. You must have sex. You  must date each other. You've got to have these types of interactions with each other so that you stay connected. Again, remember I said earlier that just because you have a healthy relationship does not mean your relationship is exempt from conflict. So if you are staying connected and a conflict comes in, you’re gonna be more willing to communicate your needs because you feel joined to your spouse. You guys aren’t estranged. You’re not strangers passing in the night. It’s not someone who you don’t feel comfortable confiding in. This person is who you are sharing your innermost feelings with. Your desires. You’re staying within that space that you need to be in; in order to be considered a couple. And that is going to allow you to um, weather that storm. I want you to think about a healthy relationship as it would pertain to a healthy body. Right. So you know you do all of these maintenance things. You go to the doctor. You get your flu shot. You um, get your mammogram. You have blood work done. You exercise. You try to eat all the right foods. So that when COVID shows up or when a cold or just a simple virus tries to enter your body, your body is healthy. Jut because you’ve gotten a virus and you're currently sick, does not mean that you are an unhealthy person. Right. Because you’re doing everything to make sure that you're healthy so when the virus and the sickness comes in you’re able to fight it off. It is exactly the same when it comes to relationships and marriages. When that conflict and that infidelity comes into your marriage your marriage is going to become sick, right? But if you have all of those characteristics and the foundation to a strong healthy marriage, you can if you desire come through the infidelity and or any other conflict that enters your marriage. 

In Case You Missed It 16:10

All right, so I want you to stay tuned in with the 5 Key things that I, Nadia with Art of Sia, believe are important for a successful marriage. Communication. Commitment to the relationship. Respect for your spouse. A shared financial goals. And of course, you must stay connected. Thank you so much for joining me. I appreciate you and until next time; take care of each other. 

                                                                        #Art.Of.Sia 
                                                           http://www.artofsia.com