16 - The Five Relationship A's

I’m Nadia C. Patterson with Art of Sia and this podcast is dedicated to bettering relationships as we work on recognizing your individual contributions to your current situation.  In today's episode I will be discussing The 5 Relationship A's. Approval, Acceptance, Attention, Appreciation and Affection.  As you begin to work on being happily married, start to focus in on the behaviors of successful couples. We are working together so that you can change your perception in order to change your situation.  

You can find me on both Facebook and Instagram @Art.Of.Sia. If you are interested in one-one coaching, please visit my website www.ArtOfSia.com.

Transcript

Intro

Hello and welcome this is Nadia with Art of Sia today is Wednesday November the 2nd and you're listening to Wine’n Wednesdays. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I really appreciate the support. To all of my weekly listeners, thank you for coming back. If you are new today, I hope you enjoy the show. We are going to talk about The 5 Relationship “A’s”. Now remember I am in a series called The Fives. Last week we talked about Art of Sia’s 5 Key Components of Healthy Relationships which were, respect, communication, connection, commitment and having shared financial goals. This week we’re gonna focus in on the relationships 5 “A’s” which are acceptance, approval, affection, appreciation and attention. Please remember that Art of Sia focuses in on 3 key components. Seed planting, recognizing illusions and acts of kindness. Please begin to tune into these so that you can change your perception in order to change your situation. Let’s get started. 

Acceptance 1:39

Acceptance. You must be able to accept your partner as they are. Acceptance is the foundation for unconditional love. You cannot go into relationships and marriages expecting to change your partner. They are who they are and if and when they decide that there are some key components that need addressing, they will handle that themselves. It is not your obligation to change your spouse. They must do it on their own. But you have to be able to accept them in the place that they are. If you don’t accept them for who they are, you don’t truly love them unconditionally. What you’re doing is, you’re loving them based on how they act or how their actions make you feel, with no regards to how that might actually make them feel. So conditionally if they do x-y and z, if they don’t make you upset, if they always respect you; you love them. But as soon as they step out of that box and start to show some of their natural shortcomings; you start to second guess why you are in the relationship that you're in. This is not unconditional love. No matter what happens when you truly accept your spouse you will love them no matter what happens. Now you might not like what they’re doing, but that does not start to make you think. Oh why did I marry this person, or maybe I should have thought deeper before we moved in together. Whatever your current situation is, when you love unconditionally, you’re going to be looking at how can we get through this particular situation and how can we work through it together, as a couple. 

Approval 4:03

So as I  was sitting back and I was researching this week’s episode and approval came up, my first thought was, APPROVAL?  I don't’ agree with that.  I don’t agree that you need for your spouse to approve you. When I hear the word approval, I immediately think to validation. And I strongly believe that I do not need someone else to validate my feelings. My feelings are valid because they are my feelings. Now maybe, I might need to look at the situation a little bit differently and maybe I am overreacting, but my feelings are still my feelings. I don’t need you to validate that it is okay for me to have those feelings. And that is exactly where my mind went when I first starting thinking of the word approval. But then the more and more I thought about it, I thought maybe it’s not that we need to be approved and validated by our spouse, but that we need to show our spouse that we allow them, that we approve that they can have feelings that differ from ours. And that I’m not going to jump on you or ridicule you or belittle you because your opinion differs from mine. So I approve and I accept that you are different and it is okay to be you in that space. I think that’s how I’m gonna look at approval. You following me at all with this? Ok. 

Affection 5:53

So the 3rd topic here you knew it was gonna come up is affection. Now these are the 5 A’s. I did not make these 5 A’s up. Last week yes, those 5 were mine, however this week, this is just something that I found off of the internet that I just wanted, wanted to discuss with you all. Affection. It’s important, you cannot get around it. Physical touch is basic hugging, holding hands, sitting close to each other watching a movie. It doesn’t have to be a huge act. Ok. you don’t necessary have to have sex to show affection, but you do have to show your partner affection. You cannot get around it. This is non negotiable. You need affection in your relationship.

Wine Break. 7:02

Appreciation 10:58

Now we are in November, we know that we have Thanksgiving right around the corner, let’s start getting into the mindset of appreciation. I was actually speaking with one of my girlfriends this weekend; we were out together and she was telling me about how at this one event that she was was at, she was so impressed by some of the young ladies, entrepreneurs that she had spoken to she was telling these people on how awesome they were and that she was proud of them and um she was just, you know   happy for them and the things that it is that they had accomplished ok.  And as we’re having this discussion she said, you know Nad, I had sat back and I realized it was so easy for me to tell those women that, that she relaxed she doesn’t tell her husband that. And so she had immediately texted him and you know told him how much she appreciated him and this is something that she is working on. And I thought you know that’s huge.  We all need to probably work on that. I know I too need to work on that. Our spouses do so much for us, I know mine does for me and not saying thank you is the fastest way to lose your blessings. Let’s keep it real here. Start telling these people that mean a lot to you. Start telling these people who are doing the most for you that you appreciate what it is that  they are doing. Alright?

Attention 12:48

Lastly Attention. I talked about this before too. Ya’ll have to do things together so that you all can stay connected. There date nights. There having conversations with each other and actually being engaged in the conversation.  You spend time with your girlfriends, chit-chatting and talking and just having a good time, being on the phone with each for hours and then your husband comes around and it’s like oh you don’t have anything to talk about. You have a whole bunch of stuff to talk about. Figure something out if you don’t. You need the attention so that you guys can know that you’re still important to each other. If you're not going to give me attention, why should I come home every night? If when I come home you leave, and you're not going to work, but you just don’t want to be around me, or you go to sleep or you find anything not be in my presence. What is stopping me from not coming home? There's no reason for me to come home because I’m not getting attention at home. The attention that I’m getting is from someone else outside of the house and now I’m gonna stay outside and be with those people, because those people are the ones that are making me feel good. People need attention. They like to feel good. They want this from their wives. They do and I know you want that same feeling from your husband. You want to feel like you are the only woman that he has eyes for. I know a lot of us have these jealous hearts whether or not they warranted or not, I am not sure, but what I do know is that he needs that attention just like you need that attention, because it creates stability. It is a remedy for jealousy. If you know for a fact that they only have eyes for you, that is gonna calm down a lot of your jealous nature.

In case you missed it 15:20

Alright, let’s go back and recap this for a second. We talked about the 5 As. We have Acceptance: the foundation for unconditional love. Approval: Give your spouse the space to have feelings. Affection: you guys have to show each other affection. Kiss, hug. Stay intimated. Appreciation: you better start saying thank you. If you don’t, this is the fastest way to lose your blessings. Give them the attention that they need so that they only have eyes for you.

Closing 16:10

Alright. So that’s it for today, Wine’n Wednesdays. Thank you so much for sticking with me. Please go out to Instagram and Facebook and like and follow those pages. I am @Art.of.Sia  if you are interested in any one-on-one coaching. You can contact me ugh, via the contact me button on my webpage; artofsia.com. Until next time; take care of each other.